Every action we take — from the words we speak to the routines we keep — is a reflection of what we value. We may not always be conscious of it, but our choices broadcast our priorities more clearly than any intention or spoken desire ever could. This is the heart of the second principle of mental health:
Everything you do and say reflects what you value: choose wisely.
You may think of yourself as valuing health, but if your actions consistently deprioritize sleep, nutrition, or movement, the real value on display is convenience or comfort. You may believe you value relationships, but if your energy is consumed by work or distraction, the people closest to you will experience something different. Our actions reveal the story we live by — and the dissonance between what we claim to value and what we actually practice is often where anxiety, guilt, and dissatisfaction creep in.
The Mirror of Behavior
Psychologists call this alignment between values and actions congruence. Research shows that people who live in greater congruence — whose daily behavior reflects their stated values — report higher well-being and lower levels of stress. Conversely, living out of alignment generates tension, like trying to walk while pulling in two directions at once.
Research supports the power of aligning action with values. A study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that while simply endorsing self-transcendence values (like compassion or altruism) predicted well-being, the real boost came when people acted on those values. In short: values matter — but values enacted matter even more.
Think of your actions as a mirror. Even when you say you value one thing, the reflection shows the truth. And that mirror is honest, sometimes painfully so.
Choosing With Intention
The challenge is that much of what we do is automatic — habits, routines, and scripts that feel invisible until we stop and examine them. Just like with our internal narrator, this autopilot can be dangerous if left unchecked. Without intention, we may end up reflecting values we never consciously chose.
This doesn’t mean we need to obsess over every choice or strive for perfection. It means bringing enough awareness to ask: What does this action say about what I value? And then deciding whether that’s the story we want our lives to tell.
One way to start is with small, concrete choices:
Do I put my phone away at dinner, showing I value connection?
Do I take ten minutes to move my body, showing I value health?
Do I pause before responding in anger, showing I value peace and harmony?
Each of these choices is a reflection. Over time, they accumulate into the story of who we are.
Living Your Values
My work with clients often involves helping them close the gap between what they say they value and what their lives actually show. And it’s work I take on myself as well. The truth is, no one lives in perfect congruence all the time. But the closer we move toward alignment, the steadier and more grounded we feel.
So here’s the challenge: pay attention this week to one action you take repeatedly, and ask yourself — what does this reveal about my values? If the answer isn’t what you want it to be, choose differently. Small shifts, repeated often, reshape a life.
Be well.